She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
