New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
