remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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