based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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