On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
