if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize