Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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