Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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