I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
