I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
