my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
