Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
