I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
