WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
