I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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