I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
