By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
