You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
where are you?
Hypothermia
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
