Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
