You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
