Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
