HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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