just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
