I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
