I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
