We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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