Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
