Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
