...so i touched it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
