I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
