the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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