She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
