I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
