I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
