I just made out with a guy for $7.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
