I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
