I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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