It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
