Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well you can't waste a boner
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
