Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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