Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
kristin has been a bad kristin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
