The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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