just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
