Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
