well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
