You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
