He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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