he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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