I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize