He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
