; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
