allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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