hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
