i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
