Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
