Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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