a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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