I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
