i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
