we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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