Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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