i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
