allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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