piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
