i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
