Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
